Literary Geekery Redux

Persistent Sentences of the Moment, Part II:

1) "Whether you take a doughnut hole as a blank space or as an entity unto itself is a purely metaphysical question and does not affect the taste of the doughnut one bit." -Haruki Murakami, A Wild Sheep Chase

2) "What succor, what consolation is there in truth, compared to a story? What good is truth, at midnight, in the dark, when the wind is roaring like a bear in the chimney? When the lightning strikes shadows on the bedroom wall and the rain taps at the window with its long fingernails? No. When fear and cold make a statue of you in your bed, don’t expect hard-boned and fleshless truth to come running to your aid. What you need are the plump comforts of a story. The soothing, rocking safety of a lie." -Diane Setterfield, The Thirteenth Tale

3) "We cast this message into the cosmos. It is likely to survive a billion years into our future, when our civilization is profoundly altered and the surface of the Earth may be vastly changed. Of the 200 billion stars in the Milky Way galaxy, some—perhaps many—may have inhabited planets and spacefaring civilizations. If one such civilization intercepts Voyager and can understand these recorded contents, here is our message:

This is a present from a small distant world, a token of our sounds, our science, our images, our music, our thoughts, and our feelings. We are attempting to survive our time so we may live into yours. We hope someday, having solved the problems we face, to join a community of galactic civilizations. This record represents our hope and our determination, and our good will in a vast and awesome universe." -Jimmy Carter, Voyager Spacecraft Statement

Great because:

1) This is exactly the sort of sentence one needs to have in one's arsenal for those times one's philosophical friends require reality checks.

2) It is so satisfying to read words crafted by the sort of mind competent enough to carry an apt metaphor across several sentences. Also, I'm a sucker every time for complication of Truth.

3) How incredibly, movingly optimistic, unselfish, and good-willed. Sadly, the world is a different place these days.

Happy Halloween-Samhain-All Saints'/Souls' Day

Creepy clown courtesy of me. Lesson learned: do not attempt to carve small, jagged shapes without a carving kit.

Because I can't resist, go watch:

The Nightmare Before Christmas

Sleepy Hollow

Hocus Pocus

Beetlejuice

The Addams Family

Edward Scissorhands

Little Shop of Horrors

The Rocky Horror Picture Show

It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown

Monster Movie (Supernatural)

Halloween

Poltergeist

The Exorcist

The Crow

Psycho

Go listen to:

Thriller - Michael Jackson

Monster Mash - Bobby 'Boris' Pickett

Psycho Killer -  Talking Heads

Addams Groove - MC Hammer

Zombie Graveyard Party - Be Your Own Pet

A Nightmare on My Street - The Fresh Prince

The Devil Went Down to Georgia - Charlie Daniels

Go read:

The Legend of Sleepy Hollow - Washington Irving

The Haunting of Hill House - Shirley Jackson

The Bloody Chamber - Angela Carter 

The Tell-Tale Heart - Edgar Allen Poe

The Pit and the Pendulum - Edgar Allen Poe 

The Cask of Amontillado - Edgar Allen Poe

An Occurrence at Owl Creek Bridge - Ambrose Bierce

Interview with the Vampire - Anne Rice

Frankenstein - Mary Shelly

Dracula - Bram Stoker

The Shining - Stephen King

It - Stephen King

  

...for starters...

Shakespeare is Shakespeare is Shakespeare

On the last day of its run this summer, I saw Othello at Shakespeare on the Common. The characters wore 1940s garb for no apparent reason, the backdrop was a metallic slab reminiscent of the Aggro Crag, and I'm pretty sure an understudy was on Iago duty, which is a shame since Iago is pretty much the only reason to like Othello. Instead of the devious, evil, unrepentant villain I love, the actor came off as, well, what he was: a nervous guy who didn't quite remember all his lines and had to keep reminding himself to speak loud enough to be heard across the Common. Still, Shakespeare is Shakespeare and free is free. 

For my own amusement, I made a list of the words that made me go "pffft, you made that up" (until shortly after intermission when I decided I'd need a more attentive ear and a lot more paper if I really wanted to keep up):

englut                                                    

slubber

satiety                                                     

disrelish

displant                                                   

quillet

engraft                                                    

mazard

infortune                                                 

insufflate

unswear                                                 

beshrew

direful                                                    

continuate

Despite my conviction at the time that Shakespeare just threw a prefix or suffix on a word whenever he needed another syllable for his iambic pentameter, turns out most of these actually are or were real words.


I also made a list of my rediscovered favorite Othello quotations:

"I am not what I am." (I.i)
Because that's so Iago.

"Your daughter and the Moor are now making the beast with two backs." (I.i)
Because, oh, that's where that saying comes from.

"Men should be what they seem; / Or those that be not, would they might seem none!" (III.iii)
What can I say? I'm a seeming-versus-reality fan.

"O! beware, my lord, of jealousy; / It is the green-ey'd monster which doth mock / The meat it feeds on." (III.iii)
Again, etymology.

"Villain, be sure thou prove my love a whore, / Be sure of it; give me the ocular proof; / Or, by the worth of mine eternal soul, / Thou hadst been better have been born a dog / Than answer my wak'd wrath." (III.iii)
Because angry Othello is not a man to be trifled with.

"Unkindness may do much, / And his unkindness may defeat my life / But never taint my love." (IV.ii)
Because that's so Desdemona.

"Demand me nothing: what you know, you know: / From this time forth I never will speak word." (V.ii)
Because "What makes Iago evil? some people ask. I never ask." (Joan Didion, Play It As It Lays)

"I kissed thee ere I killed thee, no way but this, / Killing myself, to die upon a kiss." (V.ii)
Because everyone loves a little morbid romance. Right?

Irony

You might think an institution of learning is one of the most likely places for the word "school" to be spelled correctly. But, you'd be wrong.

Jabberwocky

I recently discovered Merriam-Webster's Open Dictionary. Anyone can submit to and view words that have been submitted to the Open Dictionary. The service is to catalog words that have not yet appeared in dictionaries, either because they have only recently come into existence or because they are forehead slap-inducing stupid (do not fret; I shall, of course, elaborate).

In the spirit of democracy, I'm all for an open dictionary. You may or may not be aware, but putting together a dictionary is a political affair. There are liberal and conservative dictionaries. There are dictionaries that take pleasure in finding the cleverest, quirkiest, idiosyncrasies of living language. And there are dictionaries that obsessively seek to protect The King's English from those mean, nasty jerks: addition, permutation, evolution. For further information on this point, please see "Authority and American Usage," also know as "Tense Present: Democracy, English, and the Wars over Usage" by David Foster Wallace, which is one of the most interesting pieces of non-fiction writing I have read in my life. "Did you know that probing the seamy underbelly of U.S. lexicography reveals ideological strife and controversy and intrigue and nastiness and fervor on a nearly hanging-chad scale? [...] Did you know that U.S. lexicography even had a seamy underbelly?" No? Then go read the essay. Seriously. Even if that sort of thing doesn't appeal to you, David Foster Wallace was one smart, funny, entertaining man. He'll make it worth your while.

Point is, I think an open dictionary is all to the good. In theory. For instance, these words

—

isogram (noun) : a word or phrase in which no letter is repeated; minorly (adjective) : in a minor way; shapewear (noun) : underwear that is made with elastic nylon so that the wearer has a slimmer appearance; and smartphone (noun) : a phone (especially a mobile phone) that provides additional capabilities including Internet access and which has an operating system comparable to a desktop computer operating system—are all useful, logical additions to the language. However, these words—sturdability (noun) : sturdiness; globalistic (adjective) : concerning or encouraging globalism; and elaboratize (verb) : to make elaborate or complex—make me want to slap someone in the mouth. People, if you need to define a word by using a different form of the same word, there's already a word for the thing you are attempting to invent. Duh! In these cases, they are: sturdiness, global, and complicate. Id est, refudiate is not the coining of a new word, it is the garbling of two already-existing, perfectly serviceable ones. Also known as portmanteau. But hey. Why not just call it the Palin-Upchuck Phenomenon?

Why Reading is Important: A Case Study

I know a lot of words. Really, I do. I write; I read; words are sort of my thing. My favorite game is Quiddler. There is nothing I love more than Jeopardy's "Crossword Clues Q" (or J or X or...) category. Sometimes I pick up Macbeth and start re-reading it, just for fun.

And yet, the number of words I don't know still seems as large and limitless as it did when I was three years old, and the only word I recognized when my mother would read The Monster at the End of This Book: Starring Lovable, Furry Old Grover to me, was "strength."

For instance, I have just finished reading Atmospheric Disturbances by Rivka Galchen. This was an absolutely (as they say) whip-smart book, featuring a man who believes his wife has been replaced with a simulacrum, a cosmic conflict between the Royal Academy of Meteorology and the 49 Quantum Fathers, a quixotic quest, and a flawlessly executed unreliable first-person narration. Now up there with I, Lucifer, this novel has made it onto the short list of my favorite books. (Incidentally, I came across it, as I do so many of the best books, by randomly browsing the shelves of my local library.)

The point I am slowly meandering toward is that this novel—aside from provoking me into envying Rivka Galcehn's intelligence, command of language, and ability to produce an engaging plot—taught me a lot of new words (see below). And when I think back upon the countless number of books I have read over the course of my life, it frightens me to imagine how much less knowledgeable I would now be without having done so. What I'm saying is this: Please read.


homunculus (hō-ˈməŋ-kyə-ləs)
Function: noun
1 : a little man : manikin
2 : a miniature adult that in the theory of preformation is held to inhabit the germ cell and to produce a mature individual merely by an increase in size

mesoscale ('me-zə-ˌskāl)
Function: adjective
: of intermediate size; especially : of or relating to a meteorological phenomenon approximately 10 to 1000 kilometers in horizontal extent

schizotypal (ˌskit-sə-tī-pəl)
Function: adjective
: pertaining to a personality type in which mild symptoms of schizophrenia are present

endogenous (en-ˈdä-jə-nəs)
Function: adjective
1 : growing or produced by growth from deep tissue
2 a : caused by factors inside the organism or system b : produced or synthesized within the organism or system

ersatz (ˈer-ˌsäts, -ˌzäts, er-ˈ; ˈər-ˌsats)
Function: adjective
: being a usually artificial and inferior substitute or imitation

tannin (ˈta-nən)
Function: noun
1 : any of various soluble astringent complex phenolic substances of plant origin used especially in tanning leather and dyeing fabric, manufacturing ink, clarifying wine and beer, and in medicine
2 : a substance that has a tanning effect

topiary (ˈtō-pē-ˌer-ē)
Function: adjective
: of, relating to, or being the practice or art of training, cutting, and trimming trees or shrubs into odd or ornamental shapes; also : characterized by such work

desiccate (ˈde-si-ˌkāt)
Function: verb
transitive verb
1 : to dry up
2 : to preserve (a food) by drying : dehydrate
3 : to drain of emotional or intellectual vitality
intransitive verb
: to become dried up

parallax (ˈpa-rə-ˌlaks)
Function: noun
: the apparent displacement or the difference in apparent direction of an object as seen from two different points not on a straight line with the object; especially : the angular difference in direction of a celestial body as measured from two points on the Earth's orbit

hemochromatosis (ˌhē-mə-ˌkrō-mə-ˈtō-səs)
Function: noun
: a hereditary disorder of metabolism involving the deposition of iron-containing pigments in the tissues that is characterized especially by joint or abdominal pain, weakness, and fatigue and that may lead to bronzing of the skin, arthritis, diabetes, cirrhosis, or heart disease if untreated

tragus (-ˈtrā-gəs)
Function: noun
: the prominence in front of the external opening of the outer ear

antitragus ('an-ˌtī-ˈtrā-gəs)
Function: noun
: a prominence on the lower posterior portion of the concha of the external ear opposite the the tragus

pensione (päⁿs-ˈyōⁿ / pen(t)-ˈsyō-(ˌ)nā)
Function: noun
a : accommodations especially at a continental European hotel or boardinghouse : room and board b : a hotel or boardinghouse especially in continental Europe

Rosicrucian (ˌrō-zə-ˈkrü-shən, ˌrä-)
Function: noun
1 : an adherent of a 17th and 18th century movement professing esoteric and occult wisdom with emphasis on mysticism and spiritual enlightenment
2 : a member of one of several organizations held to be descended from the Rosicrucians

Baader-Meinhof Phenomenon
Function: noun
: a form of synchronicity in which one happens upon an obscure piece of information and soon afterward encounters the same subject again

nap (ˈnap)
Function: noun
: a hairy or downy surface (as on a fabric)

nevus (ˈnē-vəs)
Function: noun
: a congenital or acquired usually highly pigmented area on the skin that is either flat or raised : mole

anelastic (ˌa-nə-ˈlas-tik)
Function: adjective
: relating to the property of a substance in which there is no definite relation between stress and strain

Gauss
Function: biographical name
: Carl Friedrich 1777 – 1855, German mathematician and astronomer

Cray (ˈkrā)
Function: trademark
: a supercomputer manufacturer based in Seattle, Washington

jeremiad (ˌjer-ə-ˈmī-əd, -ˌad)
Function: noun
: a prolonged lamentation or complaint; also : a cautionary or angry harangue

theremin (ˈther-ə-mən)
Function: noun
: a purely melodic electronic musical instrument typically played by moving the hands in the electromagnetic fields surrounding two projecting antennae

katabatic (ˌka-tə-ˈba-tik)
Function: adjective
: relating to or being a wind produced by the flow of cold dense air down a slope (as of a mountain or glacier) in an area subject to radiational cooling

shibboleth (ˈshi-bə-ləth also -ˌleth)
Function: noun
1 a : a word or saying used by adherents of a party, sect, or belief and usually regarded by others as empty of real meaning b : a widely held belief c : truism, platitude
2 a : a use of language regarded as distinctive of a particular group b : a custom or usage regarded as distinguishing one group from others

Tehuelche (tə-wěl'chē, tā-wěl'chā)
Function: noun
1 : member of a South American Indian people formerly inhabiting most of Patagonia, with a small present-day population in southern Argentina
2 : the language of the Tehuelche

infarct (ˈin-ˌfärkt, in-ˈ)
Function: noun
: an area of necrosis in a tissue or organ resulting from obstruction of the local circulation by a thrombus or embolus

deglutition (ˌdē-glü-ˈti-shən, ˌde-glü-)
Function: noun
: the act or process of swallowing

etiology (ˌē-tē-ˈä-lə-jē)
Function: noun
1 : cause, origin; specifically : the cause of a disease or abnormal condition
2 : a branch of knowledge concerned with causes; specifically : a branch of medical science concerned with the causes and origins of diseases

sententious (sen-ˈten(t)-shəs)
Function: adjective
1 a : given to or abounding in aphoristic expression b : given to or abounding in excessive moralizing
2 : terse, aphoristic, or moralistic in expression : pithy, epigrammatic

neurocysticercosis (nu̇-ˈrō-ˌsis-tə-(ˌ)sər-ˈkō-səs)
Function: noun
: infection of the central nervous system with cysticerci of the pork tapeworm

attenuated (ə-ˈten-yə-ˌwāt, -yü-ˌāt)
Function: verb
transitive verb
1 : to make thin or slender
2 : to make thin in consistency : rarefy
3 : to lessen the amount, force, magnitude, or value of : weaken
4 : to reduce the severity, virulence, or vitality of
intransitive verb
: to become thin, fine, or less

stereoscope (ˈster-ē-ə-ˌskōp, ˈstir-)
Function: noun
: an optical instrument with two eyepieces for helping the observer to combine the images of two pictures taken from points of view a little way apart and thus to get the effect of solidity or depth

cavil (ˈka-vəl)
Function: verb
intransitive verb
: to raise trivial and frivolous objection
transitive verb
: to raise trivial objections to

provenance (ˈpräv-nən(t)s / ˈprä-və-ˌnän(t)s)
Function: noun
1 : origin, source
2 : the history of ownership of a valued object or work of art or literature

pith (ˈpith)
Function: noun
1 a : a usually continuous central strand of spongy tissue in the stems of most vascular plants that probably functions chiefly in storage b : any of various loose spongy plant tissues that resemble true pith c : the soft or spongy interior of a part of the body
2 a : the essential part : core b : substantial quality (as of meaning)
3 : importance


Note: definitions gathered from Merriam-Webster, The Oxford English Dictionary, Dictionary.com, and Wikipedia

Tiny Little Full-Blown Obsession

So. Yesterday I received my New Every Two® phone from Verizon (the LG Cosmos). Naturally, one of the first things I did was start looking for Naruto ringtones. While randomly perusing the internet for said ringtones, I came across "Itachi's theme" here.

My initial reaction went something like, Holy crap, this is awesome, how in the world have I never noticed this before? Once the excitement faded a tad—I admit, that took a while—logic kicked in and I thought, Wait, if this really is Itachi's theme, why don't I remember it?

1.) He is one of my favorite characters in all of Naruto. If he had a theme song, I would remember it (I know Sasuke's when I hear it, and his is pretty lame).

2.) This tune's style doesn't sound like the rest of the show's music. Don't get me wrong, I love some of the songs in Naruto—just to name a few, "Sadness and Sorrow," "Main Theme," "Kakuzu," "Orochimaru's Theme," "Akatsuki's Theme," and practically all the opening and closing songs are very good. But if "Itachi's theme" were part of the show's repertoire, it would definitely stand out, and I'm pretty sure I would have noticed.

3.) This song doesn't fit with the show thematically. This is cowboy music. And while that makes sense for Itachi—he is undoubtedly a bad man who has done bad things (albeit for good reasons), a wanderer, a loner, arrogant, skilled, and in search of atonement—it doesn't make sense for a show set in a ninja universe. Again, I feel confident I would have noticed such discordance.

So. I did some digging. Many people on the internet feel very strongly about the fact that this is really Itachi's theme (for evidence, see YouTube). Some people say it appears in the anime. Like in episode 114 or 121 or 140. Some people say that this is Itachi's theme, it just isn't used in the show. Some people say this song appears on one of the show's official soundtracks. Some people say this is Itachi's theme in the Naruto PlayStation games. Having watched and re-watched relevant episodes and looked up (and re-looked up and re-re-looked up) the playlists for the Naruto CDs and games, I feel fairly confident in saying that these people are suffering under some grand, viral, internet delusion.

In reality, this song is "Thunder Cloud" from the album Theme From Shaft & The Horse by The Ventures. Before it was known as "Thunder Cloud," it appeared under the title (and perhaps here is the origin of the mass confusion) "Naruto" on Golden Pops/Pops in Japan '71. 

So. There you go. Mystery solved. And I was not at all obsessive about it and it only consumed five to seven hours of my life. Go me.

Sasuke, Sasuke, On the Wall

(Note: This is a primarily knitting-related post. Read at your own risk. Dashful cannot be held liable for any massive yawns or bouts of drowsiness that may occur.)

Now that "stripy" is out of the way, meet "razory":

"Razory" is a lacy tank top that took me about a month to knit. It was based on the Razor Cami and was my first lace project. I'm really pleased with the result. It's a good length, fits well, and I like the way it looks on. I may have screwed up the pattern a couple of times at the beginning (bottom), but I decided to follow a rule I read online: If you make a mistake, put your project down, then go do something else for five minutes. Come back, stand a few feet away from your knitting, and if you can't see the mistake, ignore it and carry on. So I did, and probably no one will ever notice the errors but me.

In terms of modifications to the pattern, I added some length and ribbing to the top front for a more symmetrical and finished look. I also decided to clasp the straps together in the back for a make-shift halter top, because I knit the front and back straps too close together and didn't feel like frogging them and re-knitting.

While I enjoyed working on "razory," toward the end it was mostly guilt driving me on. I really wanted to begin a new project, but felt like I had to finish this one first. That new project is the Sasuke Shirt.

As anyone who knows even the tiniest bit about me is aware, I adore Naruto and Uchiha Sasuke in particular. So, I've decided I would like a little piece of Sasuke with me at all times. (Well, not all times. I would wear other shirts sometimes. Probably.) Thus, the idea of the Sasuke Shirt was born. It will entail making "stripy" shorter, smaller, in black, with a really high neck, and the Uchiha crest (which I have charted myself) intarsia-ed onto the back between the shoulder blades. I've never done intarsia, let alone in the round, but I think I've done the research to make it happen, so hopefully this shirt will be awesome and not a disaster.  

The Curious Case of the Omnipresent Johnny Yong Bosch

What is with this guy? He is everywhere. Everywhere, I tell you.

I was recently on a JRPG kick. I knew Gamefly was never going to send me the two games I really was curious about (because that's just the way it works): Final Fantasy XIII and Resonance of Fate. So, I threw a bunch of JRPGs on the queue to ensure I got at least one of them. I ended up playing Magna Carta 2 and The Last Remnant back to back. (Although "playing" might be a bit of an overstatement. I couldn't finish either of them. While I appreciated Magna Carta's non-loading screen, real-time, military campaign-ish fighting, relatively easy-to-follow plot, and Rue who, though officially labeled a "lightning wizard," was actually a ninja (with the shuriken, clones, and katana to prove it), it was repetitive and easy to the point of brain-oozing boredom. And while I appreciated Remnant's relatively innovative, mass battle formation fighting, I couldn't tolerate its laugh-out-loud clunky mechanics, dialogue, plot, characters, world, etc. etc. etc. Hey JRPGs, here are some things I never want to see in you again: amnesia, absurdly big swords, loading screens before and after fights, walking, hammer-wielding fish, women fighting in severely less-than-practical armor, boss fights in which you just have to keep hitting the bad guy and stay alive until he falls down: no matter what you think, this isn't hard, just tedious. Anyone listening? SQUARE ENIX? Sega?) And what do you suppose the protagonists of these two games, the amnesiac Juto and the dumb, plebeian Rush had in common? Why there were both voiced by Johnny Yong Bosch, of course.

This is not the first or second or fifth or probably even the tenth time I have stumbled across Johnny Yong Bosch's voice while gallivanting through the realm of animation. Just off the top of my head, I have noticed that he also plays: Ichigo Kurosaki in Bleach, Viscount Albert de Morcerf in Gankutsuou: The Count of Monte Cristo, Vash the Stampede in Trigun, Fugue in Eternal Sonata, and Genma and Sasori in Naruto. This is not to mention, of course, his run as the Black Ranger in Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers. I have a certain fondness for Johnny Yong Bosch's voice, even if I loathe the innocent, naive, happy-go-lucky, goody two-shoes characters whose throats that voice often emerges from. But what is up with this? Is it written in the man's contract somewhere that he has to have a part in every single piece of Japanimation that gets dubbed in English? How did he become that guy? How can I body snatch him? What a freaking dream job.

In knitting news: I have completed the garment I have affectionately termed "stripy," which is really Lion Brand's Raglan Tee.

I pretty much hate the way the underarms and the transition to the collar look when laid out, but it looks good and is super comfortable when worn, so I consider it a success. Onward to the "razory"!

Literary Geekery

(It's bound to happen sometimes; I am a writer after all—and don't you say a word about all those unfinished stories that beg to differ.)


So, I read a lot. And every now and then there are sentences that stick in my head long after I've set aside the book in which I read them. This happens with a frequency that is depressingly low in proportion to the volume of words I read. Perhaps most writing is garbage. Maybe I'm reading the wrong stuff. Or maybe I read so much that I've become desensitized to words, my capability for awe lessened. But still. There continue to be a precious few sentences out there that can make me smile or chuckle or put down my book and gaze off into space, marveling at them, jealous that I didn't think of them first.


And so, I present the Persistent Sentences of the Moment:  

1) “This is love, a pretty thing on an ugly street, and why wouldn't you pick it up if it appeared in a cab?” -Daniel Handler, Adverbs

2) “The shinier the apples of attraction, Vulture, the wormier their maggots of repulsion.” -David Mitchell, “What You Do Not Know You Want”

3) “Sometimes he'd read her a bit of his [book] and sometimes she'd vice him a little versa.” -Stephen King, “Lisey and the Madman”


1) This line is great because the whole love-is-beautiful-and-makes-everything-beautiful thing has been cliché for so long even Shakespeare was making fun of it back in the day (see Sonnet 130, one of my favorites). However, the backlash against this idea—that love is shitty and tragic and doesn't make anything any easier—has also been highly overdone. Thus, I find the sentiment that Handler expresses (that fine, love doesn't make the world a more savory place, that, in fact, the griminess of the world is in part what makes love appear to be such a lovely, desirable thing), a touching, memorable take on an old notion.

2) This line is great because I have never, ever, seen anyone express the adage "all that glitters is not gold" so uniquely, so awesomely, or with so much style. And also, that word, wormier. It just gets me. It's the kind of off-beat part-of-speech usage I like to employ. Oh, how I wish this sentence were mine.

3) The Stephen King line, again, obviously, stuck in my head because of the unusual way of using the words. Vice him a little versa. Kind of corny, but so clever, so novel, so something the average writer would never even bother trying out because it's "incorrect."


In knitting news, one Blueberry Waffle Sock (or, in my case, wild berry) down, one to go:

I didn't particularly enjoy knitting in the round with four needles flopping about all the time, but I got used to it and it wasn't difficult. And if I'm suffering from a bout of Second Sock Syndrome, well I'm not the only one.

Yen, Again

I have a problem with T-shirts. The problem is this: I love them and want to buy them all up (provided they are funny, or geeky, or literary, or nostalgic, or, well, you get the idea). Today, I discovered that in addition to offering great handmade Christmas ornaments, such as Super Mario Mushrooms and Video Game Controllers (that neither I nor Clark were actually able to buy this year despite separate, secret attempts), some people on Etsy.com also make awesome T-shirts. For instance, ones covered in:

robots,

famous robots,

and, last but not nearly least, the Carbon Cycle.

Let me tell you, T-shirts at this level of awesomenessitudity are very dangerous to discover on a boring day full of no work and no company and no motivation to write. I may have actually suffered a moment of weakness and purchased one. Which is bad. Very bad. Because I have a job approximately one eighth the size of the average person. And because I have every intention of buying a bunch of yarn and needles to make the Bad Penny T-shirt next week (when the colors I want become available on Knitpicks.com).

It's also bad because one T-shirt is never enough. Maybe it's the RPG fiend in me, but I gotta catch 'em all. I must have options. I must have a T-shirt to match the tone of any situation I might potentially find myself in. It doesn't matter that most of the time, my situation is: at home, knitting. I must prepare for all eventualities. People who happen to glance at my chest must be able to immediately glean random aspects of my character, such as, I love robots, or, I learned about the Carbon Cycle in ninth grade Biology class and still vaguely remember it. 

What I'm saying is, if anyone ever feels like buying me something for, say, my birthday, or Christmas, or to celebrate the equinox (coming up very, very soon; just putting that out there), you now know where to go and which habit to support.

Kai (Release—From Genjutsu, Which Is What This Must Be, No?)

So, I was watching Naruto on Hulu yesterday, and I saw an advertisement for the Shippuden Collectible Card Game. It's turn based, a la Magic: The Gathering. I had no idea such a thing existed, but it makes sense: there is a wealth of characters, attacks, defenses, etc. in Naruto. What I found strange though, was that the two cards used to promote the game were student Naruto and Sasuke:

                                            

Don't get me wrong. It's not at all surprising that these are the two characters that would be used to promote the game; everyone knows their intense, angsty, twisted rival-friend-brother relationship thing is what the show is really all about. However, student Sasuke and Naruto do not exist. They're alternate universe characters that only ever appeared in the show's closing credits. Granted, that ending was one of my favorite ones (right behind samurai Naruto and Sasuke). I mean, who doesn't love Naruto in that Yondaime-esque jacket? But still, these two seem out of place in a deck of battle cards to me.

Bad ass jutsu:

Makes sense.

Scary ninjas:

Of course.

Deadly situations:

Duh.

But student Naruto and Sasuke? What are their powers? Charm? Excellent penmanship? Proficiency at school yard brawls?

And one other thing: what's up with Naruto's power being lightning instead of wind? Perhaps when the game was released Naruto's wind affinity hadn't yet been revealed, so they just assigned him a random element? Hm, mayhaps this warrants further investigation. But no, no, I have no interest in playing. Because these sorts of games are for ten-year-old boys and crazy fanatics, neither of which I am, of course. Not solely because the instruction manual for the game is 25 pages long. It's not like I'd be dying to play if the learning curve were even slightly less steep or anything... 

Word of the Day: Yen (As in, a Desire or Craving)

In my 2010 Despair, Inc calendar, March's theme is bitterness. The accompanying quote is, "Never be afraid to share your dreams with the world, because there's nothing the world loves more than the taste of really sweet dreams." The photo is of a sand castle crumbling as the tide comes in. I love my Despair, Inc calendar because it is very me, i.e., ha ha ha, that would be so sad if it were serious, but it's only a joke...mostly. Remember that Chappelle's Show line, "Oh, this racism is killing me inside"? It's like that. You grit your teeth and you laugh and both gestures are genuine.

As March begins, companies still refuse to hire me, magazines still refuse to accept my stories, I have to grudgingly admit that both BioShock 2 and Mass Effect 2 were ultimately disappointments (more on this some other time, perhaps some other place), and I think there's a mouse living underneath my stove. I think the thing about the mouse not based upon any first-hand sightings, but rather on my cats' behavior. They spend an inordinate amount of time these days staring at the stove. For example:

.

And it's not just Leon. Ada does it, too:

So I can't just discount it as Leon being a dummy.

On the up side, I just finished a new story, which always makes me feel good. And the knitting is going well. I got really, really bored with the leg warmers I was supposed to be knitting next (22 inches of plain black stockinette stitch—what was I thinking? I'm beginning to understand why people end up knitting neon striped sweaters covered in polka dots, reindeer, and ribbons. If I ever sink that low, though, please, someone slap me.), so I started a sweater. And then finished it.

It's thick and warm and looks just about exactly the way it's supposed to, despite my wariness about the circular needle that was required to create the turtleneck. It was weird, like a snake eating its own tail every round, but not difficult. The sweater is rather bulky, though, and obviously handmade, so I doubt I'll ever wear it outside the house, but it's comfortable for indoors, so I consider the endeavor a success.

Meanwhile, there's still 3/4 of one leg warmer technically in progress. In reality, I am now working on a pair of socks, the Blueberry Waffle Socks of semi internet knitting fame. I've been kind of dying to try the waffle stitch since I glimpsed the Waffle Stitch Thermal on Knitty, but I'm nowhere near skilled or patient (a whole sweater on 3 millimeter needles in fingering weight yarn? I can't even begin to fathom how long that would take. Imagine building a log cabin out of dental floss and sticks of pencil lead or something equally ridiculous.) enough for that yet, so socks it is for now.

In other (fictional obsession) realms, Uchiha Sasuke continues to majorly, majorly, majorly depress me; while I enjoyed Darker than Black, I felt just as wtf about its universe at the end of the show as I did at the beginning, so I suppose I'll have to watch the sequel (possibly that was the point all along); Chuck has been invaded by characters from various Superman universes; and I miss Supernatural something awful. Episodes of season five are airing every week, but I missed the first ten, so now I can't watch any until reruns start or the season comes out on DVD. I am in serious withdrawal. I miss Dean.

And Castiel!

And that Sam guy, too. I guess.

Doh well. For now I shall just listen to "Ready for Love" by Bad Company about a billion times and imagine Dean's naked back. I mean...I would never do that. Cus that would be weird. On many levels. Um. Yeah. Bye now.

What's Awesome Today: I, Lucifer

I read this baby over last Labor Day weekend and LOVED it.

You have to understand. I'm in a bit of a book rut. Being only a little employed at the moment, I read a lot of books. Most of the time it's an anticlimactic experience. Sort of like going back and watching a TV show you used to love when you were a kid. I should watch that again, you think. So you try, but after five minutes you're gaping at the TV wondering, Was I ever stupid enough to enjoy this drivel, truly? When you relate this adventure to your friends, they say, Oh, you should try X. It's just like that show you used to watch, but way better. So then you're running through Netflix animated, crime-fighting robot DVDs like they're going to start melting them down to make water bottles without giving you adequate warning, all the while searching for that old thrill that used to keep you glued to the floor in front of the TV, unblinking, for twenty-two minutes at a time when you were a kid. But you never find it.

That's how I am with books now. I used to love books. I used to ache for them when I didn't have them (during gym, or science class, or car rides--I get motion sick, very easily); I devoured them when I did. I spent summer afternoons when all the other kids my age were outside playing kickball or riding bikes sitting in a dim, danky basement, curled up on the corner of a couch reading. But now, I read books and think, Meh. That was well-written. There was nothing wrong with it. It was fine. But boring. Uninteresting. Done a million times. Bland. A chore to get through.

But not I, Lucifer. This book passed my first paragraph test with flying colors. Hell, this book made me forget I had a first paragraph test. "I, Lucifer, Fallen Angel, Prince of Darkness, Bringer of Light, Ruler of Hell, Lord of the Flies, Father of Lies, Apostate Supreme, Tempter of Mankind, Old Serpent, Prince of This World, Seducer, Accuser, Tormentor, Blasphemer, and without a doubt Best Fuck in the Seen and Unseen Universe (ask Eve, that minx) have decided -- oo-la-la! -- to tell all," it started (with Nabokov "Lo-lee-ta" promises of linguistic playfulness) and putting the book down was quite possibly the very last thing on my mind.

This book, with it's deceptively uncomplicated give-the-Devil-one-last-shot-at-redemption-and-let-him-tell-you-about-it premise, I want to re-read. I never want to read books a second time. I already know what happens, so what's the point? But I, Lucifer I want to re-read so that I can watch Lucifer luxuriate in the vivid sensations of the human world one more time. I want to experience again the sheer pleasure of listening to Lucifer's arrogant, prideful, hubristic, intelligent, angry, rebellious, cheated, doomed, screwed, curious, philosophical, mischievous, scheming, playful, fun, fierce, sad, pathetic, sympathetic, futile, tragic voice. I want to close the book and think, Ah, right, that's why I read.

I suppose if you're touchy abour religion or have influid ideas about the Bible, you might want to stay away from this book. It is narrated by the Devil. He will offend you. On purpose. But if you're not like that and you, you know, like fun, I highly recommend I, Lucifer. And considering the vast amount of things in the world I think suck, that's something.

Goldilocks and the Three Mittens

Obligatory catch-up:

The holidays have come and gone, obviously. Mine were full of six-hour car rides, a village in New York that was approximately a hop, skip, and a jump away from the Canadian border, Rock Band, family (not mine, of course), A Christmas Story, children, delicious alfredo sauce, knitting, cats, cats in cones, a shiny new laptop (which was long overdue; my old lappy practically literally no longer functioned; thanks Clark), painting, book unpacking (finally! I never really feel at home until the books come out), friends, diet chocolate soda, pasta buffet, Coloretto, New Super Mario Bros. Wii, Quiddler, Wii Fit Plus, Hoity Toity, Cranium, BeanBoozled® jelly beans, The Little Mermaid: 3-D Under the Sea Adventure Game, multilayered bean dip, air mattresses, ball drops, and The Road.      

Despite the fact that I generally loathe people, ritual, and busyness, it was fun times.


Catch-up points worthy of further elaboration:

Cats in cones: Shortly before Christmas, we got our cats neutered/spayed. This was highly desireable because we did not want kittens or to be scarred for life (our cats are sibliings and while this did not stop Leon from attempting to molest Ada about 20 times a day, it was upsetting for us humans to watch, what with our silly ideas about incest and such). Ada left the vet with stitches, so she had to wear a cone for a week to make sure she didn't pull them out (which she would have, there's nothing that cat spends more time doing than licking--herself, Leon, me, clothes, hair, whatever's within her zone of influence). I thought this would be somewhat amusing. But actually it was the saddest, most pathetic thing I've ever seen. She hated the cone. When we first brought her home, she kept bumping into things and trying to shake off the cone. She also wouldn't let us touch her and growled at me for the first time ever. It was rather traumatizing, especially since I already felt pretty bad about the spaying/neutering. I mean, taking away a creature's ability to reproduce, especially just for convenience's sake, seems like one of the most horrible things one being can do to another. Fortunately, Leon, being the big, stupid, incorrigible cat he is, was totally unfazed by his surgery. He was back to climbing onto the counters and knocking over his water bowl in no time.

New Super Mario Bros. Wii: Although this game can be absolutely rage inducing when playing multiplayer on the normal levels (one person always gets everything that pops out of the blocks, you get in each other's way, you can never time the jumps right so that everyone makes it across those perfectly mario-sized abysses, etc.), turns out the coin battle mode is great fun with multiple people since the whole point is to thwart the other players. For example, if you want all the coins for yourself, what better way to achieve that goal than to jump on a Yoshi, swallow a teamate, then spit her out into a pirana plant?

BeanBoozled® jelly beans: Apparently Jelly Belly thinks it's amusing to create a pack of jelly beans in which a black bean might taste like liccorice or skunk spray, green might taste like pear or boogers, yellow like popcorn or rotten egg, orange like peach or vomit, etc., and you have no way of knowing until you bite in. All I have to say is this: boy, do I never want to taste rotten egg ever again. I heard centipede was pretty awful, too.

Knitting: (Slytherin) scarf,















hat,

and mittens are done.

As you can see, the first mitten was too small, the second mitten was too large, but the third mitten was just right. Then I just had to make another. Sigh. On the up side, I'm pretty much a mitten knitting master now. Next up: leg warmers.